graduated yesterday

Me and my buddy (:  I’m so glad I got to graduate with him.

Chie, Josh, and Sonja were the people I most wanted to have at my graduation (besides my family).  I was SO EXCITED that they were all there!    

Me with Grandma and Grandpa.  I’m glad they were there, too (:

The Lolas.  I like Lola Cres’ hand motions … :P

Me and the fam.  

Brian’s family (:

Senior year is finally over.  To the rest of my life - here I come!  

looking ahead

Don’t you think it’s appropriate that my last blog post be named the same thing as my first blog post?  

I just finished reading my first post in this blog alll the way back in July 2011, when I was still taking Italian at Southwestern.  

Wow.

Now I’m sitting here, the day before graduation (having read through my salutatorian speech all of two times),  listening to worship music and reading the blog of a Torrey Honors student, wondering what the future will hold.

Since then … well, since then I have done incredible amounts of things that I feel would take two pages of blog just to fill!  And pages on the Internet are of unlimited length, so … basically, it would take a looooong time to write everything that’s happened.  Here are some major major (and even then, what is the definition of major?) events from just this year:

Learned (and soon after forgot most of my) Russian.

Took Trigonometry at Southwestern.  First real experience with an opinionated professor.  He was kind, but only because he felt like he had to be.  Morals are strange and arbitrary when they’re not Biblically-based.

Joined ASB.  Didn’t do much.  They called me a treasurer, but really I was more like the person who just volunteered whenever they needed it.  I was forced/chose to attend more social events … does that count?

Lolo passed away.  

Performed in my last CYT show - Cinderella.  Got to wear a cool evening dress and ballroom dance.

Applied and was accepted to many, many colleges.  

Turned down UCLA in favor of Biola and the Torrey Honors program.  God has asked me to trust in Him in this area.  I am SO AMAZED to see how He is already working through Biola and through Torrey and its people.  

Lost it countless times over scholarships.

Brian asked me out.  He is my boyfriend, and I am his girlfriend.  This is probably one of the major factors that separates first semester from second semester.  

To be romantically loved by someone is incredibly new.  It is amazing to be so appreciated.  He calls me so many sweet things and loves me well.  I admire parts of his character that I feel privileged to see.  There are so many quiet things that he does and that I do and that we do together that are redefining love for me.  He is also the hardest thing to give up to God.

Progressed and regressed in my spiritual journey.  I’ve done both, so I’m not sure if I’ve grown or become stupider.  I really can’t say at all where I am.  I think, if you look at the maturity and wisdom I had during freshman year, I have regressed.

But also, that decision is not for me to make.  I may have grown in a different way.  My experiences this year have been so different from freshman year.  I feel as though my two semesters were two separate years - so much has changed!  

Two things - no, make that three - that I’m currently struggling with are: my relationship with my mom, my parents, and my family in general; Brian (just.  Brian.); and my relationship with Ky.

For some reason, it is so hard to love my mom, and it’s even really hard to be patient with my brother and my dad.  I mean, sometimes we can laugh and smile together, but I just get so impatient and angry with them for taking up my time for no reason.  I owe all of them an apology, and I’m just trying to work up the courage to speak to each of them.

The worst part is that my salutatorian speech tomorrow is a public apology, and I’m MOST afraid that I won’t mean it.  I hate insincerity, especially in myself, and if I’m going to go up there and apologize to them in the presence of thousands of people, then I AM GOING TO MEAN IT.  I will mean it.  Maybe tonight I will try to talk to each of them.  

I can’t love them without God’s help.  Because my anger is based on my insecurity, not on any fault of theirs.  And only God can attack my insecurity at its roots and kill it.  Repentance is not only thought, but action.  God will give me the strength to do what He is asking me to do - that’s a little part of what I learned the last time I was at Biola, and part of the experience that made me decide Biola.

In summary, I am growing, I am changing.  I’m looking forward to this summer so much because I’ll get to spend time with Brian, and I get to read books that I actually wantto read, and I’ll be productive doing things I actually want to do.  I’m quite excited.  There are things to work on, and there are things that are working themselves out.  

This summer, this next year at college, and the rest of my life have a great deal of potential.  I’m looking ahead to the future.

allthingseurope:

Lac Daumesnil, Paris, France (by Gregory Bastien)

allthingseurope:

Lac Daumesnil, Paris, France (by Gregory Bastien)

(Source: sowseedsoflove)

One month with my baby and my handsome boy. Could a girl ask for more? (:

I am not sure whether I want God to come or not.  I want what I want what I want.  But it feels wrong and broken and a chasing after dust without having God there.  

I have joy because of a boy.   Is that wrong?

"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him."  (C.T. Studd)

Guess what I’m thinking of?

 

I miss my buddy.

So …. this is talking to me.

So …. this is talking to me.

(Source: thedailypozitive, via concrete-girll)

He said yes! I just asked Brian to Sadie Hawkin’s, and he said yes. Awesome.

Bored of studying for finals … I’ve barely looked at my stuff. Just scrolling around on Tumblr and making Aragorn merges. SO BORED.